Who I am
by OzoraWings
Summary: The first time it happened his innocent thoughts that held little understanding for the fringe of blurred images, ghosts of voices or feelings prickled at his still-learning senses, no comprehension coming with the brief flashes of broken fragments that occured at the most random of times; however it wouldn't always be that way - the meaning and purpose would be grasped one day...
1. Episodes

**Code: **KHR-CH.01.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the featured media, the rights go to their rightful owners.

**Media: **Katekyo Hit-man Reborn

**Title: **Who I am.

**Chapter:** 1

**Status. **In progress.

The first time it happened Tsunayoshi Sawada was three; his innocent thoughts holding little understanding for the fringe of blurred images, ghosts of voices or feelings that prickled at his still-learning senses. No comprehension came with what was then to be brief flashes of broken fragments while he was playing robots with his mother or on the brink of sleep.

No, his mind just simply didn't understand, not until those small moments started to grow in strength - and in consequence, in length. Tsuna had just come home from play-group; buzzing from an active and full day - only just through the door when his mother's happy twittering suddenly seemed so _far_ away, soon unable to focus and becoming un-noticing of the that fact. This small, _small _hands became loose inside Nana's warmer counterparts. Hs once bright and tentative face went lax as the world around him turned distant; his unaware consciousness giving way to another.

It hadn't been pleasant - especially for a toddler so inexperienced in life. And Tsuna couldn't remember half of it but the blond, frail looking boy who was desperately struggling for freedom would stay with him for the rest of his life and the feelings attached to the memory would become what his nightmares modelled themselves after. He could sense the panic in the air and every shaky, blunt movement the other boy made, the pain he was in, the outright fear that was radiating off of the blond that pleaded into words Tsuna didn't understand ('_Papà! Stop! Smettila fa male. Mi stai facendo male!. Io non voglio questo! Mi fa male!'_) as the small child fought to be let go; to get away from a man that was all but blurred out as he graphed and pulled, kicked and punched, screamed and shouted.

Those feelings griped Tsuna's small heart with a fist colder then ice. It sent shivers down his small frame and soon he was quivering - trembling so strongly that his muscles began to protest, his very _blood _aching in a way that introduced the toddle to pain he didn't know existed.

Tsuna couldn't calm himself down - couldn't even make himself _remember _how to _breath_. Before this he had never really thought of how his chest would swell with air, and how he took in oxygen or how it was released back out - not even when he struggled to fill his burning lungs and he started to wheeze fitfully; he couldn't. Not when someone was hurting in front of him - not when someone needed help in front of him. The boy was crying and for the life of him he just wasn't it to stop!.

And it soon would be. As how it had started with not even a warning, it disappeared in the same fashion. When that world fall away to reveal his, his body still ached - probably more then he thought, he was on the floor of the hallway to his home, with this mother in hysterics, a phone clutched in her hand and his unresponsive body posed in her lad as tears streamed down her face and she cried for him.

Tsuna found himself struggling to stay awake, black pots dancing mockingly in his vision as his chest hammered with his hearts rapid heartbeats that shook his torso with it's intensity and palpitated through his fingers and toes. His lungs constricted painfully and burned passionately inside him.

His mouth was dry - drier than it ever had been as he tried to swallow and found himself unable to. Sweat prickled his skin and damped his hair as it stuck to him, but he found himself uncaring and confused as he tried to focus on his mother, but couldn't as the pressure built behind his eyes and he found himself falling - falling into the blackness of oblivion.

When he awoke next he would be in a strange, foreign room with tubes and drips attacked to the nock of his arm and hand, other odd devices (that looked to have come out of some kind of Si-Fi movie) was stuck to his chest that led to funny looking televisions with weird lines that went up and down and bleeped.

Tsuna would be too stung out on drugs to panic as his mother (who had been clutching his hand, sat on a chair beside the bed) called for the doctors to come, and he wouldn't be coherent for another four hours in-between (thankfully) dreamless naps. He would come to know _later_ - when he was older and processed information concerning things of this nature that he had been brought to hospital; while thought to be having a fit and had been in a comatose state for two days. In those two days the men in white coats took test and questioned a worried Nana about anything - to what she and her son had been doing on the day the episode happened, to her parenting and then his wayward father and _"Has his absence had a noticeable effect on Tsunayoshi-kun?" _It hadn't been pleasant for the brunette and when she finally got the all-clear to take Tsuna home she was practically running _away_ from that hospital.

Though that kind of understanding wouldn't come for another two years; when he was five and the visions changed him into a boy with the intelligence of a ten year-old. However, in the mean time he had just been taken somewhere unusual - somewhere he only knew as that of where he had never been before and how the "Nice people" had made him feel better.

Things would be difficult however and for the times his mother wasn't playing with him, talking with him and following him like a puppy, she was on the phone to a father he couldn't remember; giving the man progress reports on how he was doing (he caught a few times when moving from room to room of there house; the brunette with the phone's cord wrapped around her thin fingers and her posture tense).

Nana, afterward what-ever-the-hell-it-was would be staying close to her little boy; keeping a watchful eye on him at all times, however just as her worry faded another fit came and destroyed the little pace that had been making it's way into her heart.

For Tsuna, the vision took him the same way the first had; suddenly and without warning, it stripped him and left him in a house he didn't recognise with the same little blond who he vaguely remembered and watched as dread sunk his stomach to his shoes as the boy plastered himself against a wall, fear in his young and wide cerulean orbs as he peered around the corner.

Tsuna's body reacted similar as it had done before and his breathing picked up in panic, seeing in glazing vision as the blond hid from the large man (the same size as Tsuna's own father) who struck the lady who he had been he yelling - and for all intensive purpose had been yelling back. The lady's head snapped back and a hand went up to her cheek as she stepped back. The blond winced and curled up on himself.

The lady seemed stunned for a moment before anger swelled inside her and she roughly pushed the man back by his chest. This seemed to be the wrong thing to do as rage clouded his narrow eyes and he started to scream.

Tsuna recoiled in horror, his hands graphing hold of his chest as he stood erect and scared. Their argument sending a horrible ringing through his ears, making his insides clench. It was just about to turn into a bear fight when the blond, who had been forgotten about in Tsuna's terror, ran out from the hallway and into the room, bravely stepping in front of the lady and trying his best to glare at the man who stood but four feet away - and failing.

(_'La stai facendo male!. E 'la mia mamma! e non si può!'_) his small but timid words seemed to echo so loudly in the what appeared to be the living room that Tsuna found himself walking under the doorframe himself, still clutching his T-shirt and just starting to tremble but walked as he did so, forth all the same.

_('G-Giotto…') _the lady in shock, her eyes wide and her jaw slack before her features turned tight with worry and alarm as a sickening crackle came from the man as he staggered forward; somehow finding morbid humour in their situation.

(_'Hai sentito, Gwen?'_) he appeared to ask, before his face fell and his black orbs darkened, his lips forming a sneer as he growled; _('Il bastardo preso dopo di te!')_

The woman pushed the boy behind her defensively and walked backwards until she could walk no more; being stopped but the wall behind, but pressed herself against the barrier and effectively pinned the blond; the little boy stuck like the middle of a sandwich.

He was closing in on her when the lady picked her chin up and looked him in the eye with what only could be called defiance as she spoke strongly; not a quiver to her tone _(__'E ringrazio gli dei per la grazia che _uno')

The man scowled murderously (_'Puttana!') _he exclaimed, as he raised his fist and slammed it into her face that earned a painful _crack_ in response. Tsuna's expression grew more and more terrified as his hunted chocolate orbs widened and his continued to drop in debrief, his fingernails started to dig into his skin as he clumsily stepped back, weak legs shaking himself silly as he brought himself into the hallway - into the darkness were the rooms light seeped to. His back hit the hall and he screamed in fight, too scared to turn around as he sunk to the fall, curling up inside himself and was forced to listen to blow after blow, scream after scream.

He listened until his head pounded like it was going to expound and his ears stung. He listened until he couldn't anymore; until he was in his mothers arms again, with her crying and screaming for help.

Nana held her baby close until the ambulance arrived; she had taken him to the park, just the park so that they could get back into a normal routine again; so he wouldn't be locked inside all day and so she could feel better about his health.

She had watched as he ran around happily, looking at everything curiously; inspecting the grass and the way it moved under his chubby fingers and watched the clouds high up in the sky, once or twice calling her over to show her the bunny he had seen.

Nana was just beginning to relax and enjoy her son's pleasure when he fell and that in itself didn't immediately set off alarm bells; Tsuna could be pretty clumsy at times, but what made her heart stop was when He. Didn't. Get. Back. Up.

She had run over, tripping in her panic on her the way and turned Tsuna over, noting how his eyes had rolled up and how pale he had gotten so suddenly. She swallowed over the lump forming in her throat and checked for a pulse and found one; it was frantic; like his heart was trying to beat itself out of his chest.

And than he started to shake, Nana started to scream to a near-by-couple to call for an ambulance, which after settling out of their content embrace and taking a moment to understand the situation, they did; the lady thumbing her mobile from her bag in shocked and jerky movements; eyes wide as she clumsily pushed the dialling buttons and hurriedly pushed the device to her ear.

By the time the medics had arrived Tsuna's fit had slowed to small spasms and twitches, but he remained unconsciousness throughout - and how Nana wished he would just open his eyes and show he that he was okay. But nothing was okay and soon she'd would learn that.

When they got to the hospital the doctors rushed Tsunayoshi through test after test; being more thorough then the staff had been last time. Nana was asked - or forced stay in the waiting room. It hadn't done her nerves any good as she sat in an uncomfortable chair in a close to empty room, with tears falling down her cheeks and a terrible feeling in her gut that wouldn't settle.

It would be in the early hours of the next morning that Nana, who had stayed stiffly where the men had left her, was seen to - was remembered for the worried mother that had been left behind on her own; no loving shoulder to lean on as she couldn't get in contact with Iemitsu; and even if she did, he wouldn't be able to get there in time to do anything sufficient.

'Sawada-san?' Nana blinked the tears from her eyes and slowly looked up; feeling beyond exhausted to possible move and faster as she saw a middle-aged man standing over her, his face was strong but soft with small lines forming under his onyx eyes and forehead that was hidden with a professional-like bangs of ebony. S gentle smile on his aging face. It was meant to be reassuring, that expression; however it brought no comfort.

'Yes' she replied softly, losing even more speed as she stood. His eyebrows were brought down as the doctor's eyes wondered down her slumped body.

'Have you had any sleep, Sawada-san?' he asked, but Nana didn't answer; it was a stupid question and the doctor seemed to noticed because he simply shook his head and brought a hand to her shoulder as he started to lead her out of the waiting room 'I' am doctor Tobikuma, Akemi. I've been looking after you're son'

Nana nodded and didn't answer; far too tired to even think of words as she was lead to his office where she found herself sat in another chair. She blinked, watching as the doctor lowered himself into the spiny seat near the computer that's screensaver gradually moved around it's face.

Akemi turned his chair slight, not having the energy to simply more his body and got his clipboard that had been left on the side of his desk. Picking it up, he briefly scanned through the few pages it contained, before he realigned his sight and sighed through his nose.

'This was Tsunayoshi-kun's second episode, correct?'

Nana nodded before uttering a hollow; 'Yes, sensei'

Akemi nodded 'And has this ever happened before?' Nana shook her head 'Alright… . You'll have to forgive me, but can Tsunayoshi-kun be quite absent?'

Nana's eyebrows crunched together; it was a weird thing to ask, however she thought about it and it did ring true 'There…are times when he daydreams a lot' she said cautiously 'I'll be talking to him one moment and the next he'll have stopped listening, or when he's drawing and his crayon stops moving for a few moments…but…he's only three; that's normal…isn't it?' she was suddenly wary about why he had asked; it seemed off topic and she was just so worried…

Akemi nodded again; to show that he had been listening 'A year or so ago - around Tsunayoshi-kun's first year, did you find him shuddering a lot - or more then the average child?'

Nana's eyebrows drew deeper 'I think - yes, that did happen more then I'd like; I thought it was something to do with low blood pressure though…'

'And would you say that Tsunayoshi-kun is clumsy?'

Nana swallowed; in a horrible way that pretty much summed her child up to other parents. She may seem guileless but she knew what the other parents whispered about behind her back about her family, though she realised there was so much more to it than that…

'…He can be - _is_' Nana shook her head, reminding herself that she was talking to a doctor and that it wouldn't do her or Tsuna any good if she were to lie 'He'll trip over air sometimes…mistake a step or two, catch his own two feet…'

'Does Tsunayoshi-kun have good eye-hand coordination?' he said, his eyes once again flickering down to the paper that sat on his lap, as he had been doing since he had brought her in.

Nana sighed deeply 'No, sensei…he doesn't…'

Akemi crossed his legs, leaning forward slightly in his chair; beneath squeaking as he did so, his arms coming over to fold over his clipboard of patient-doctor papers Like it was no longer necessary or he had found what he was looking 'By the evidence of Tsunayoshi-kun's condition and by what you've just told me, I'm sure that we've caught onto the early signs of epilepsy'

It was like someone had chucked a ton of ice water on Nana as her back straightened in an erect fashion and her flesh turned goosy while all blood drained from her face 'E-epilepsy?' she stuttered, her tongue numb and barely following what her brain was telling it to 'B-but T-Tsu-kun's - Tsu-kuns just - just three, he can't -'

Akemi shock his head 'That's a misconception; though they can "grow out of it", epilepsy is often found in toddlers and teens' he spoke softly but there was no doubt in his voice 'A lot who don't suffer from it, or know people who do, don't realise the percentage that have it'

Nana found herself swallowing continuously, his fingers fiddling painfully with the herm of her top, her eyes starting to tear with the tears she had run out of 'B-but I…' she didn't really know what she wanted to say; or for that matter, what she thought; it was like she was computer with a missing part - with a terrible error.

'Epilepsy isn't _all _what the general public think it is' the doctor licked his lips as they had started to dry 'there is more then one type…' he paused; looking over the devastated woman in front of him 'Though I won't go in to detail; I wouldn't want to overload you with information'

'B-but -'

'Tsunayoshi-kun's condition is stable; what he had was a grand mal seizure. It can be triggered by a few things in particular that after running a few tests and hearing the story of the events before hand…that you shouldn't be worried about diabetes, imbalances in his sugar level, malnutrition or anything to with fatigue or stress'

Nana's caramel eyes widened 'T-that can cause epilepsy?'

'No, that can encourage seizures, with or without epilepsy' the doctor took a breath 'There is nothing to cure epilepsy, though there is medicine that can help fight against attacks. However even that won't stop the seizures and side effects completely; they will still occur, depending on how strong his epilepsy is'

Nana tried to think though the headache and process what he was saying; but this was becoming too much for her. She wanted to go home, she wanted a healthy little boy. She wanted Iemitsu home.

'Is - what - what do I need to do now?…' her eyes closed briefly and she wished she didn't have to open them as the stung 'Where do I go from here?'

Akemi interlinked his fingers on his clipboard, settling into his office chair with little comfort 'Well, I can start by looking at Tsunayoshi-kun more closely until I can find the best course of action. Though I can prescribe some lorazepam for now' the doctor turned his chair slightly until he was half facing the computer, half facing Nana and shook his mouse to awake the machine. The sleep mode brought about the sign-in box to make sure no was looking at things they weren't meant to and continued on until he reached Tsunayoshi's file.

'And - and how do I -'

'For now, Sawada-san, all you can do is be vigilant; mindful when he falls so that he doesn't land on his head, or something else that could cause complications' his eyes flickered back over to the lady from the form he was filling out for the prescription 'Tsunayoshi-kun shouldn't need to come in every time as there's often very little we can do; you just need to understand when it's of importance, that he's seen to'

'I-I see' Nana uttered.

'I'll dig out a booklet for you for symptoms and helpful advice.' he informed, just clicking the print button to give to Nana as a hardcopy. He handed it to her, and with an understanding smile, he placed a hand on his shoulder like he did outside and said; 'In the meantime, I think it's best if you go home and get some rest; you've told me you haven't slept and I can guess that you haven't eaten since you came in'

Nana looked ready to protest when the doctor interrupted 'Tsunayoshi-kun is safe here; he's fast asleep and there'll be no waking him until at least late afternoon. I'll see you tomorrow' and with that she had to drive herself home - how she managed God knows, but she made it without even a scratch, where she pulled into the public parking of the area of her home and collapsed onto her car's wheel, weeping uncontrollably as she lost all strength to move - and knowing, knowing that she'd have to deal with this tomorrow - for the rest of her life.

She'd call Iemitsu later, leaving another message with someone called Basil and point blank ordered her husband home, and god forbid he ignore her summons this time; because it would not go unnoticed or waved off like it had never happened.

This time, she'd do what she had to; as a mother.

* * *

**A/N (11.01.13) -**

So, here it is...I'm not all too sure how I thought of this one, all I know is that it'll be a little one-shoty...a few time skips maybe; though even on that I'm not entirely certain. But I hope you like it and that it's a decent read; I'm a little worried with personally manly because it's the first time I've written something like this, so...yeah...

Um, I'll admit I'm in a little bit of a rush, so I'll add the translation bit (which, is important and if you want to follow this story, you'll have to be able to read) but I'll add it as soon as I'm free; sorry, I know it's completely unacceptably of me but I'm just really busy right now...erm...you have my must humble apologises!...

* * *

**Livejournal: **sky-flower24

I **apologise** if there are any mistakes in my spelling/ grammar, or if you find anything I have written offensive.

* * *

**Thank you** to everyone who added '_Masquerade__' _to their favorites/ alerts or took the time to review, You also have my gratitude for reading this chapter.

**OW**


	2. Questions Voiced, Avoided Answers

**Code: **KHR-WAI-CH.02

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the featured medium, the rights go to their respected owners.

Nana sat in her silent kitchen stiffly; listening to the ticking of her wall clock and only wondered briefly why she had agreed to the damn thing to start with - it stunted her thought process and made her thinking wander.

Though perhaps that was a good thing; her thoughts weren't happy at the moment and neither was she; she had been waiting three days for her husband on her boarding on desperate phone call and the patience that was as plentiful as the oceans were deep was starting to drain dry.

Nana didn't know what to do; Tsuna's condition gave her a deep sense of unease, she was constantly watching, fearful should anything happen - anything at all. She had refused to leave him at playgroup unless she could stay the last few days and every time he tripped or fell her heart just about stopped.

It was exhausting and Iemitsu still didn't know.

However the worst thing about it was that her little boy was starting to realise that something was up; that something was different. Nana could tell by the way he would stare at her a moment longer or frown when her hand tightened a little too tight but didn't complain - never did, and she doubt she ever would.

That made her feel like a failure; like a complete and utter failure as a mother - as a protector and Nana didn't know what to do to make it better; to relax and try to enjoy her time with her son instead of overreacting to every little thing.

The teachers at the playgroup had refused to allow her to stay today; probably had finally enough of her disruption and the complaints from other parents which left her at home, restless. Usually she would be out, shopping or going for walks to keep her busy or at home cleaning and preparing dinner but today she was terrified of leaving the house in case something happened.

It was...terrifying and brought fear to her that she hadn't felt before - had never felt. And she really didn't realise until know how under-appreciated her son was... or was getting to be until his first... episode and that - that made her hate herself more.

She was momentarily jolted out of her dark thoughts by the shrill sound of the telephone ringing, her heart hamming as she flew from her chair and, trembling as she did so, made it to the hallway where the device was kept.

She picked it up quickly, putting it to her ear 'Moshi moshi?' she answered.

_"Moshi moshi_" a man on the other end replied back, only it wasn't the voice she wanted - it wasn't her husband. That made her heart drop to the very bottom of her stomach and something... something she hadn't felt before crawl it's way into her heart "_I was just calling today to see if you were interested in the new product from_ -"

'I'm sorry, I have to go' Nana interrupted abruptly. She would usually keep salespeople on the phone longer, so long in fact that they couldn't wait to get rid of her but not today - she had no patience today and hung up.

Nana bit into her lip harshly, a sudden rush of adrenalin making her limps shake as she stalk from one end of the hallway to the other, her face red in rage as she turned on her heels sharply, something blocking her throat as for some reason she had the overwhelming urge to _scream_ and scream loud when her hand snatched at her landline once again before punching in her husband's number - not bothering with autodial that had been set up.

She waited for the connection when another voice answered - in a suspiciously un-Japanese way something just..._snap. _Something broke within her, it may have only been close to a week since her - _her _Tsu-kun's last attack but - but she was infuriated, incensed that the father to her child hadn't called her back after all this time when she had - saying it was an emergency and Iemitsu, even when _knowing _that something had been wrong just hadn't -

'_Where is my husband?.!' _Nana didn't have the will to be startled by the sound of her voice and just how unlike her it sounded because she suddenly had all this - this energy and nothing to do with it.

"_S-Sawada-san?'" _the person on the other end was shocked, Nana, in some distance part of her brain could tell but didn't care - was so passed caring that she also ignored how _young _he sounded.

'Who else on this God forsaken plant would it be?.! I want to know what's happened to my husband or Kami forbid I get my hands on him because if I do - IF I DO -'

_"W-wait! Mi-miss Sawada! W-what's wrong?.!"_

That tone was panicked - and if she had been listening she would have heard the noise of other people in the background but she was running on pure instinct and already had a habit of being oblivious to some things.

'H-how _dare _you ask me that - HOW DARE YOU!' she screamed, her voice echoing in the empty halls of her house 'I asked for him to call me back on Tuesday! Its Saturday now! I've _never, _in all our marriage, asked for one thing! Not one! I've ignored all the birthdays he's missed, the holidays. I forgot that he wasn't there for the PREGNANCY or Tsu-kun's BIRTH. I avoid thinking about how our little boy can't recognise his FATHER and all the gossip because the man I chose to spend my life with ISN'T AROUND!' she drew deep, shuddering breaths.

'I avoided it' she continued on in, more quiet but certainly not calm 'I avoided it because I love him, because I swore I'd be supportive but I BEGGED for him to call! Just ONE PHONECALL, is that really too much to ask?.! It wouldn't have taken five minutes to ring to see if something was wrong!'

"_A-a-a-and i-is s-s-something w-w-wrong?"_

'Does this company he works at even HAVE _breaks _or _lunch breaks_, does my husband have TIME OFF over there?.! Are phones band?.! Does this marriage, this house we've built together - this FAMILY we made together - do _I _mean ANYTHING at all?.! Because if it _did _mean anything - anything at all then you would Put. My. Husband. On. This. Phone!'

There was silence and some rustling before the voice she had been waiting for - the voice she found she had _always _been waiting for was in her ear "_D-darling"_ the greeting was stuttered and... not so welcomed as it should be "_Ma ma there was no need to shout like that; it was scaring Basil and I'm sure Tsuna won't like -"_

'No need?' Nana whispered faintly 'NO NEED?.! It seemed it _was _needed because without you wouldn't have answered! And if you were around you would KNOW that Tsu-kun isn't at home at this time! Hasn't been home at this time for months! But how are you expected to that?.! You haven't called in MONTHS!'

There was silence before Iemitsu spoke again and when he did she wished he hadn't, he sounded so...condescending "_Nana"_ he started "_You know that my job is _very _important -_" he said it like she was a child - like she couldn't understand it.

'_Yes. _I know who _important _your job is to you but isn't your FAMILY MORE important to you?.!' Nana demanded and a second later tensed up - regretting asking such a direct question as soon as it had left her mouth and the pause that followed brought a different kind of burn to her face and the the pure rage dulled slightly with hurt.

"_O-of course - of course your important, Nana!_" Iemitsu abolished but there something...the way he said it, that something in his voice. It made her cold and as he continued - continued saying... _something _but she was no longer listening, a churning in her stomach as she wished, growing pale and eyes prickling, that she hadn't phoned carrying such feelings in her chest because now... _nothing _could take back.

'And what about your _son?_' it was sudden - but Tsuna hadn't been mentioned and this was why she had rung - her baby was the reason for this confutation and it - it had been getting off track, different problems were being mentioned and it wasn't...wasn't...

Wasn't Important?

_"T-Tsuna's very -_"

'He's seen you once!' Nana snapped 'His fourth birthday's coming up and - and you've been home a week! A week - our baby boy wouldn't recognise you! He doesn't remember you!'

Iemitsu spluttered "_O-of course Tsuna would _recognise _me! H-he's just young!_"

'Young?.! That's not Tsu-kun's fault! It's yours! The parent classes said that the first years are fundamental! That they make the kind of child he's going to be! What if - what if when Tsu-kun gets older and - and _married, _he thinks that never being there - never being _home _is okay?.!'

"_Nana I have been - I have _tried_ to be there as much as I can; my work - my work is just so important darling, and... it's never been an issue before, you've... we've never had a problem with it before why... why _-"

'Because it's my job!' and for the first time since giving birth to her beautiful boy - Nana understood that, was _growing _to understand that and how her decisions would effect her son 'It's my _job _to PROTECT him and - and I _haven't _been! - I haven't been doing my job at all!'

Nana didn't fully realise when her knees became weak or when tears fell (_and when was it she shed a tear?), _she didn't even notice when she had completely collapsed because she had finally come to understand what little she had done for her little boy.

She had married into a relationship that she _knew _wasn't...complete and agreed to a child that she _knew _wouldn't fully be around during the important stages of their childhood and when her babe had been born... giving labour alone and then being _left _alone to raise the child is everything she had walked into herself but she had brought Tsuna into the situation and...hadn't given him everything she had.

She had never admitted it before but... it had been difficult baring Tsuna when Iemitsu... when Iemitsu just wasn't involved and that had undoubtedly come across in her parenting. She had never abused or neglected him but she had...lacked conviction to him - her baby and... she hadn't defended him when the other parents had given backhanded compliments or just plain insults about his meekness or clumsiness.

And she had...she had done nothing, even condoled it - thought it was true herself.

'I - I haven't - I've been so, so TERRIBLE!' she shirked 'My Okāsan would - if she knew - Kami if she saw - she would strangle BOTH of us before - before taking Tsu-kun and never letting us see him again!'

_"Nana -? Darling? W-what are talk -_"

'Kami Iemitsu! You haven't even - you haven't even _asked!_'

"_Asked? Darling asked wha-"_ Iemitsu sounded so confused right now, maybe irritated? But that was it, no hurt or - or pain or empathy to try to understand what was happening - why she had called.

'Why I called! Why I called last time! Why I'm infringing on your time!' that was the first time that Nana had ever pointed out that Iemitsu was always rushed - one the phone, the few far in between times that he was home 'Tsu-kun's - Tsu-kun's -'

"_Nana look, I understand that it's difficult to be home alone - Tsuna's in those teething years and you'll a little stressed right now so I promise to come home and visit soon, alright?_"

'Iemitsu -'

_"I promise Dar-_ling, _I'll be home soon" _Nana's anger was raising again but before she could retort, the conversation had apparently had been ended "_My shift's starting again. Remember we'll be reunited soon" _he sung just as the line went dead and as that line went dead - as Iemitsu dismissed her so careless, her and her feelings, did something else die.

Nana didn't know how long she just listened to the dial tone but she ended with a fast quick retreat as her churning stomach jolted painfully upwards. The phone was dropped lifelessly and she sprinted to the bathroom where she would stay for close to half-an-hour.

The rest of the day was spent in made, feeling sick to her stomach and somehow...tired. Nana felt suddenly exhausted - exhausted and numb as she tuck herself up in her clothing inside the usual comfort of her marital bed and just as it no longer bared any scent of her husband, it also offered her no contentment, just painful memories and lost promises.

The curtains were closed with the windows locked tight - no light shining through which was a huge difference to how she usually kept her house; open and bright, but she didn't want to see the sun or the bright colours today, she just wanted some darkness - some quiet.

She'd get up when it was time - when it was time to collect her baby but for right night all her energy was gone and she didn't want to dwell on the heartlessness of her husband, the thoughtlessness of his words and his actions when she was so obviously distressed and reaching out to him - worried and needing to tell him something so badly that she had called him first, which she never had.

Nana felt denied - she felt...alone, more so then ever before.

And for the first time in her marriage she felt... she felt uncertain for her relationship - her marriage and her family, was that even what she and her son concluded now? Was it a family? Or was she just... a mother and her son?

Her eyes closed in lethargy, tears stinging her caramel orbs as well as sleep and her mind hazing, only telling herself a brief warning that she would have to get up again to bring Tsu-kun home.

In the end, that was all that should have mattered.

All that _does _matter.

**Information/ Translation:**

"Kami" - Japanese 'God'

"Okāsan" - Japanese 'Mum', 'Mother', 'Mummy'

**A/N (12.07.23) -**

So this has been a pretty long time coming but I've had some pent frustration and this came out... and destroyed some of my writers block but not all of it which is probably why I'm not at all happy with it. I really don't have much to say this time so I think I'm just gonna leave it.

**Tumblr: **ozorawings

**- Didn't I give it all? Tried my best. Gave you everything I had. Everything and no less -**

I **apologise** if there are any mistakes in my spelling/ grammar, or if you find anything I have written offensive.

* * *

**Thank you** to everyone who added '_Who I Am' _to their favorites/ alerts or took the time to review, You also have my gratitude for reading this chapter.

**OW**


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